What did we do last night that was yellow?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
