ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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