I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have fence marks all over my body
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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