so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
