college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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