do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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