She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
