If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
