you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
