That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
