I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
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a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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