Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
