Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
