i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
