she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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