Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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