shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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