I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so let's talk penis.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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