We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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