I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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