So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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