i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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