In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Houston, we have a squirter
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize