I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
