Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
