this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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