would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
