There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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