yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
