my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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