1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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