She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
