I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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