I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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