So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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