This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
