He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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