My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
