so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
