she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
