Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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