May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
