Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's blow job season.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
