I feel great
I just peed on a car
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
