I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
