I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
