I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
