my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
