what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
