he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
