Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
