Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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