My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
