i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
