Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
