i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
