12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
