i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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