I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
