Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
