Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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