There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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