How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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