I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize