what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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