So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
