Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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