I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
