I can't watch pbs sober anymore
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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