Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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