You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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