when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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