I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
