I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
