Kiss
Puke
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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