what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
